Writing as a HO, first poster :)

*blink & just like that

I'm going into the 7th week of surgical posting! wohoo, how is that possible? I also have no idea.

Just now, I was driving back home from breakfast, I feel like writing today. There a lot of things going in my mind but I'll try to cramp everything together in one-not-too-long post (hopefully). Let me start from where I left... shall we?

Program Transformasi Minda (PTM)

One word, heaven! I have never thought that I would enjoy PTM that much. PTM Johor was super chill, banyak meals, nice food, meeting new friends, reconnecting with old friends, getting to know some mutuals and many more I just couldn't list it here. Nisha said I have too many connections that every time I meet someone I'll say, "Oh... so you kenal *insert a name*" HAHA It is actually true, but what can I do.... 

some familiar faces during PTM Johor. Most of them I rarely/never talk to dekat IMU but here, too many stories to share 🥹 I hope you guys are doing fine wherever you are.

Let's ignore the part that some (or errr... most of the) talks were boring, unnecessary & unrelatable but it was a good one week 'holiday' before the real hurdle starts. Tips & trick to enjoy PTM, duduk back rows, sit next to your friend. When the talk did not spark interest in you or you're just too lazy to take in anything.... main game! HAHA that was what Nisha & I have been doing. whoops! but we passed the exam okie. I don't know how to describe the joy I had, but for sure, the emotional extrovert in me was super sad that I cried sooooo bad on the last day of PTM.

Meet Pip! my roommate that always hear me ranting & so fun to share my stories with ❤️

Hospital Orientation Week

We had a week of orientation before we start tagging. Basically, during this orientation, you'll know a little bit about everything; daripada sekecil-kecil 'dekat mana lab patho' sehinggalah sebesar-besar benda 'to whom you have to request usg/ct'. Tbh honest, you'll forget 90% of it. HAHA well at least it was for me. The only thing I remember during orientation week is the bonding I had with my fellow HO batchmates. Cewah.... emo pula. The fact that I am able to click with most of them, it feels like home. 

sempat ber-badminton sebelum tagging

2 weeks of Tagging

This was the real deal. The amount of tears I shed during this two weeks were >>>>>> than I've ever had for the past 5 years of medical school. The first two weeks were the worst. Tagging from 7am-10pm is a scam. As a HO, you're expected to come early; 6am like that then balik 10pm tu only on rare days. Sebab most days you can only chaw at 11pm...... Body was exhausted, brain was drained, I have no idea how I did it.

Every 'first time' was a struggle to me. On my first day, kena refer patient to neurosurgery HSAJB? To update onco HSIJB? to go request USG & CT? to take blood stat, to refer medical, to write entry dalam BHT, to do post-Op review, to run ABG, to assist in OT. Semua..... created unnecessary anxiety in me. Awal-awal memang feel like a huge burden but as you do it, it became easier eventually.

Tips numero uno to survive tagging: when in doubt, ASK! I'm thankful that I have incredible seniors to work with. The patience they have JUSTTTT to spare time to teach me & answering my questions...... 🥹🫶🏻 You'll never look dumb, trust me. Or even if you do, at least you're learning. i memang always TANYA, even for the tiny2 little things bcs senior HOs always have tips and tricks to do it efficiently. I memang a bit tak malu, I'm not only asking from my surgical HOs, any HOs yang I jumpa, I akan tanya. Ortho? Medical? Anaest HO dalam OT? SEMUA.

Tips number 2 to survive tagging... get a good support systems; family, partner and friends. For me, I texted my mom every day during tagging. even the smallest "penatnya today." "today is okay" "tak makan lagi dari pagi" to a big topic like getting scolded by my MOs. HAHA Ibu is so supportive, she always know what to say in every situation I'm at. Jimmy? ye, he had to listen to me crying EVERY DAY balik kerja. I called him everyday during my drive back home, which most days I will just cry.... do not even saying a word. hahaha

Last but not least, my friends that deserve more than just a 'bestfriend' title; Nisha, Adi & Fahmy. All of us shared a same storyline, "tak nak Kluang" but we ended up here. God knows how randomly we rant on our horrible days, without judging each other. We acknowledge everyone's struggles and always try our best to lift up each others. Even kadang2 fahmy MIA sbb member emo, need privacy nak healing.... but that's okay hahaha kitorang faham.

this bongsu that needs 24hrs reassurance but i love her

Our normal daily conversation usually start with:

Adi: "harini mmg s*al." 

Fahmy: "harini paling penat. PAC non stop s*al la"

Nisha: "weh aku penat, aku nak nangis. f**k"

But most days, "weh, cane nak request *insert subject" "weh, Dr *** baik tak?" "Siapa oncall?" "dinner ufam lai lai" HAHA

jumpa 5 minit dekat radio pun berborak

Jumpa member dekat OT pun gembira 

Basically, normal days as HO:

Waktu tagging period, I was already physically tired. Tapi I still go dinner with them. hahaha time tu jelah nak sembang & share our experiences. All the random calls, letak notes dekat kereta, park kereta sebelah2 to give some sort of moral support and pergi singgah their wards to pass chocolates/food are a mental therapy for me. I'm glad that I'm doing this with them.  

Housemanship 

When the shift system started, it is so much bearable. If dapat balik on time, memang you have time to rest, to do laundry and go out makan. Seriously. Once you have learned to prioritise your job, you'll be efficient & you'll have more good days than bad days. Maybe it's too early for me to say, but I really enjoy my days at work. Kadang2 when I feel demotivated, I always find someone to talk to. Talking to seniors lagi2 yang dah 5th/6th posters, yang dah married, their views are so different. I started to see a bigger picture of everything. 

Next, show your interest to learn. Even when you have no idea what's going on, just be there and help around. Do not afraid to do new things bcs that's how you learn. When my MOs tanya, "Have you done this? can you do?" My answer usually, "Never. but I want to try.". Kadang2 bila kena marah pun, I sad for the good 10 minutes, then I cam "dah, pape je. I salah (la kot), so takpe HAHA". 

Paling penting every day, find a way to lift up your mood. For me at the moment, it's Niall Horan's The Show playlist while driving to work hehe also, find a motivation to keep you going every day. i always look forward my off day. so i kira, "ok sikit lagi then I boleh rest". take it day by day, bila balik kerja, leave all work related stuff behind. You should rest & start fresh the next morning. I also look forward to see my friends after kerja. Walaupun barai selalunya..... tapi tetaplah jumpa di Ufam..... 🥲

Okay dah penat typing. I shall continue some other days okay. Pape pun, pls wish me luck. Doakan I kurang nangis & kurang anxious in everything I do. hahahaha

Adios.